As I introduce the topic of things like quickies, one-night stands, orgasms, pleasure and consent, I need to address that the majority of us are uncomfortable having conversations about something that is practiced by almost every adult (and many non-adults) in America. What I’m talking about is one of our most beloved activities: Sex.
According to a study published in The Journal of Sex Research, men think about sex 19 times per day on average, and women think about sex 10 times per day on average. Regardless of how accurate this is, we’ve got to admit that we all think about it frequently.
Why do people love sex, but are so uncomfortable talking about it?
It’s true. Openly talking about sex throws people off and in some cases, leaves them genuinely bothered. Every sex-related statement I’ve made has received criticism, inviting comments from people who take offense. It’s like people can’t understand or accept that a woman is publicly speaking about female climaxes. Like female climaxes don’t exist – maybe this is why they barely do.
Maybe people are so uncomfortable talking about sex, because they are simply uncomfortable with sexuality itself.
The media force feeds us sexual implications through every source possible, but completely shuts out the opportunity for regular people to regularly talk about it. Our communities treat sex as something that should be kept behind closed doors, when in reality, we couldn’t escape sexual images if we tried.
The constant, over-saturated sexual images create stigmas and pressure on everyone, male and female. There is pressure coming from every direction when it comes to sex, making it nearly impossible for anyone to be free and open about their sexuality without being judged.
Do I like sex too much? Do I like it enough? Am I even good at it?
It understandably plays a role in causing people to become uncomfortable talking about sex in their personal lives. People are scared to talk about it, and they have many reasons to be. We’ve placed too many stigmas and too much pressure on people when it comes to all things sexual. This leaves people quiet about the entire subject, leading everyone to do it blindly and secretively. All these things have had a hand in creating an upside-down society of people who are obsessed with sex, but don’t communicate about it.
People aren’t telling their partners how sex feels, or what they like and dislike. Parents aren’t teaching children about their bodies and what it means to have safe sex vs. dangerous sex. Men, women, boys and girls have a hard time deciphering what consent is.
Rather than speaking and educating ourselves on sex in a healthy manner, we learn about sex from commercial ads, music videos, rom-coms, the patriarchy and porn. Unfortunately, these commodities present very distorted versions of reality and create pressure to achieve the unachievable, making us all super messed up in the head – no pun intended.
In this erogenous game, no one will ever win or be good enough…I feel you, players. I understand the pressure and continue to experience it myself. We all love sex, but I’ve realized that to have a healthy sex life and a healthy mindset about sex in general, I had to be open about it.
What I’ve learned is this: Not only does leaving sex talks out of the equation lead to dangerous sex, it also simply leads to terrible sex.
Let us change the game, my friends. I wish you all safe and wonderful sexual experiences. And please, don’t ever be afraid to talk about sex.